Chris and I have made life especially difficult for ourselves at times. We haven't done many things the way the world would expect us to. We, well, I married young, at just 19. Chris was one week away from 27, but we were both in college working on our bachelor's degrees. We were focused though and pressed forward with Chris earning two bachelor's degrees, an MBA and a law degree. I completed my music undergraduate and the went to get a Master's degree in Elementary Education.
All the while we were going to school, Chris working full time and me working. We decided to start a family. I had Brennan at one year old when I started my Master's, and I had Kerstyn while I was in the middle of it. Chris kept pressing forward through all his college while working full time until he entered law school which you are not allowed to work in the first year.
To move a little faster, we had Lauklan while in law school. Greyson and Aislinn came a little after starting his law career. I worked teaching second grade for 6 years while trying to be a good wife and mother. It wasn't easy.
It still isn't easy. Our life is crazy, just like everyone else's. I expect too much out of myself sometimes and I get discouraged. I have a husband who has the work ethic of about 5 men, so his drive and dedication to providing for our family is unparalleled to anyone that I know. However, that can put a strain on our family life. It puts a lot on me to pull the weight of the family. I also work as much as I can at the office, dealing with all the money issues, coming and going.
It is stressful. It is hard. Sometimes, it isn't pretty at all. So, I ask sometimes "why"? Why do I do this?"
Here's the honest truth. I'm stubborn. I don't want to fail. I want an eternal family. I want celestial glory. I want it all. So, that means to me that I have to press forward. Suck it up, so to say. Try to stay positive, but most importantly, I have to hold to the iron rod. I HAVE to hold and cling to the gospel and its teachings.
I have to. Or what happens? It all falls apart.
I love the gospel. I love my father in heaven. I love my savior, Jesus Christ. When I see them again and report, I want it all.
I have to hold on.
(I'm not writing this because I'm in a bad place, I'm writing it because it is the honest truth of what makes me tick. I know, without a doubt that all will be well. I can do this. I will do this.)
4 people said:
You go girl! I don't think I could have said it better myself!
I totally get what you're saying. It definitely isn't easy. I think it's neat that you are willing to be honest and admit how things aren't always easy... I think we often judge others and think their lives are better than ours or that they don't have problems. The fact is, we all have our challenges and we all are trying (maybe some harder than others ;) But the perfect life is non existant. (I actually figured your life was pretty perfect... it's easy to forget that we all have our challenges!) Sometimes I look over our 'journey' too, and wonder if we did things in the wrong order or too early or too late, etc... but then I realize that it's all a learning process and not every choice we make is going to turn out... we just have to learn from each thing. Seems like you guys have made some pretty awesome choices! You inspire me ;)
When you're out of willpower, you can call on stubbornness. I love you.
You are one of the most positive people I know. And you are a wonderful wife and mother. I have always admired your amazing example. You deserve it all.
Post a Comment